Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
