Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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