The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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