he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
