dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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