You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
