Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
