Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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