I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
