It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
