she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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