her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this boner is exhausting
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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