My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
