JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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