I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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