We got so high we made milksteak
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
