so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
