you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
