He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
