everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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