Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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