we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize