Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
