even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
