She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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