i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
