JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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