Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
