I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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