well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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