I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
