I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Blow job season was short but glorious.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
