Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
