What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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