Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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