dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
