Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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