there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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