his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
