one two three fourrrrnication!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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