no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
