I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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