how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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