Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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