Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
