You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
