I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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