Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
