I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My dick has a subreddit
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
