woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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