Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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