my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize