help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
