One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
