you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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