This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
