I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
