I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
