Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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