Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
