yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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