If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
